how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
