No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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