my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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