She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
