singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
