Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
