I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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