if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i think i just lost a toe
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
