We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
