After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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