If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
