3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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