I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
