I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
