So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
