Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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