Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
