i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
