Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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