My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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