hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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