Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
