So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
