you traded sex for a burrito?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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