we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
