You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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