everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Randomize
