Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
