she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
