Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
