So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
