when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
