yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
