y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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