oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
