i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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