can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
