don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
