I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
