Having a random hookup so left but love u
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
