My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
