I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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