This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
