Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
