shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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