I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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