ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
