i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
