it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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