Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
