i permit you to call me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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