She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
