So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize