He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
