Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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