when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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