I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my shit smells like andre
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
