I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
