I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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