You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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