If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
