Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
