Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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