I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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