Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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