Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
