I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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